(no subject)

[calientra]

Well, I feel that the time has come for me to make this public, seeing as how some of my friends have found out about it already. So, I guess I deserve this.

Many of you know about my past... but I don't think anyone knows the entire story. Now, ever since coming to the furry community, I've tried very hard to be a good person, and to not do anything to hurt my relationship with those who have befriended me... but nevertheless, I have hurt two friends who were very dear to me recently, and as a result, I have hurt a lot more of you. I'm sure those who know know exactly what I'm talking about... and those who don't, if you want, I'll discuss this privately with you. But let me say right here and now, in front of you all, I AM very very sorry for what happened. I am doing what I can to make the situation right again, though it will take a lot of time and effort, mostly on my part. Why did this happen? I'm not sure. There is a part of my mind that I have never understood... and this part sometimes takes over and I do things that I know are not right... yet I do them anyway, and at the time, I don't seem to worry about the consequences. But never before has it hurt anyone but myself. Those of you who know me best know how badly I berate myself and have such a low self esteem.. now you know why. I hate myself for what I have done... but I'm willing to face up to this now. I just hope that those involved will someday forgive me and will let me be a friend again... if not, so be it. I would have things go back to some semblance of how they were before. Maybe if I could turn back the clock... but that's impossible. So, to the two I have hurt, and to those it directly involves now: I am so very sorry. Hate me if you must, dislike me if you will, tell me to never speak to you again, I will do so... but I'm doing what I can to make it right, at least in a physical sence. The emotional and spiritual end... I cannot control. That is up to the individuals involved. But, I do hearby promise and vow, this or anything like it will NEVER happen again.

Comments

Re:

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

I know now how many friends I do have. I didn't put this up for a pity party.. but to let everyone know why I've been so upset lately. I do so appreciate everyone who has replied.. and I know I have many friends out there that do care. And as far as that one little drama issue that you had in the past, I hope it has settled itself now also. *hugs* Hope to see you again sometime soon.

[vesuvius.livejournal.com]

I thought it was taken care of not too long after I found out about it, but it came back up once again a little while ago. I'm not sure why they persist. If this were a war, like they keep asking me if I want, my "army" of friends has beaten them at every turn, just by being open with each other. I don't want a war and wish they would just drop it. They're only digging a hole for themselves, with my friends. The best defense against rumours is being open with your friends and not trying to deceive anyone.

Re:

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

I agree 100%, hence this original post.

*nod*

[vesuvius.livejournal.com]

Too bad everybody doesn't feel the same way.