(no subject)

[calientra]

Well, I feel that the time has come for me to make this public, seeing as how some of my friends have found out about it already. So, I guess I deserve this.

Many of you know about my past... but I don't think anyone knows the entire story. Now, ever since coming to the furry community, I've tried very hard to be a good person, and to not do anything to hurt my relationship with those who have befriended me... but nevertheless, I have hurt two friends who were very dear to me recently, and as a result, I have hurt a lot more of you. I'm sure those who know know exactly what I'm talking about... and those who don't, if you want, I'll discuss this privately with you. But let me say right here and now, in front of you all, I AM very very sorry for what happened. I am doing what I can to make the situation right again, though it will take a lot of time and effort, mostly on my part. Why did this happen? I'm not sure. There is a part of my mind that I have never understood... and this part sometimes takes over and I do things that I know are not right... yet I do them anyway, and at the time, I don't seem to worry about the consequences. But never before has it hurt anyone but myself. Those of you who know me best know how badly I berate myself and have such a low self esteem.. now you know why. I hate myself for what I have done... but I'm willing to face up to this now. I just hope that those involved will someday forgive me and will let me be a friend again... if not, so be it. I would have things go back to some semblance of how they were before. Maybe if I could turn back the clock... but that's impossible. So, to the two I have hurt, and to those it directly involves now: I am so very sorry. Hate me if you must, dislike me if you will, tell me to never speak to you again, I will do so... but I'm doing what I can to make it right, at least in a physical sence. The emotional and spiritual end... I cannot control. That is up to the individuals involved. But, I do hearby promise and vow, this or anything like it will NEVER happen again.

Comments

[cloverr.livejournal.com]

Taking responsibility for our actions and making ammends is the best any of us can do. Good luck. *hugs*

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I just hope that those who this directly involved will see things the same way. It feels like I've lost my dearest friends... and that truly hurts me. Guess I'm feeling the same way they do towards me right now.

[massassi.livejournal.com]

Well you've still got a couple of friends over this side of the pond, and you're more than welcome to visit any time you want *HUGS*

Re:

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

Thanks, to both of you. *HUGS tightly* I appreciate all of my friends so greatly.... and you two are two of my best friends online... and hopefully someday RL also.

[rainbow-lioness.livejournal.com]

Butterbaby! We are always here for you. We will always have room for you if you ever want to get away for awhile! Much love to you and warm hugs and scritches!I hope things work out, and your friends forgive you.

Re:

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

You both make the world a better place for me. Wish we could all connect online sometime again though... seems like we never all are on at the same time anymore. *sniffs*

Indeed, never seem to run into each other online that often.

[sslaxx.livejournal.com]

gives strawberries Merry Christmas, Butter!

[spikedpunch.livejournal.com]

Well, you still got me on your side hon, no matter what may or may of not of happened. ::hugs::

Re:

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

I'm glad. I don't know how much of what happened is going round the rumor mill now.. but I want to get it out and in the open and done with. *hugs* You know, even with all the stuff I've heard from so many others, you have never done me wrong or said anything bad about me. You know what? You ARE a good friend of mine. And for that, I'm glad. *hugs da wolfie tight*

[spikedpunch.livejournal.com]

Well hon, I have not seen anything about you that ever suggested to me that you were not worthy of being treated as a friend, or given a chance when in need. I like you, and am glad you are my friend.

I have not heard anything about what happened. I can only guess at this point.

[ramalion.livejournal.com]

For me...you're willing to fess up to what you did and make amends. That's the important thing and you're still a friend of mine.

Re:

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Rama. That means so much to me. I was very worried... but you never gave me any clue that you knew.. though I figured you did. *hugs* I know it hurt a lot of your close friends, but it will not ever happen again.

[tygermoonfoxx.livejournal.com]

I'm not aware of the exact situation, but I do know about your past and some things about your probable future that maybe only a few other friends have realized. I admire you for the ability to recognize that you did something and to try and make amends. Everyone makes mistakes but it takes an especially fine person to take responsibility for their consequences. There's nothing you could do that would ever offend me beyond friendship.

Re:

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

*blushes* I thank you for the kind words, and I am glad to be able to call you friend also. I do wish I could see what my own future holds.. it seems so uncertain at times... but I know that I create it partly through my actions... and this is one way of trying to make amends for what did happen... and I am pursueing other avenues also.

[jugularjaguar.livejournal.com]

No idea what is wrong or what you did. I would apologize what you did and not do whatever it was again. True friends will forgive, (though some slower than others) But you need to think about what you are doing if it is wrong and stop doing that. Friends can only forgive you so many times for your same errors in judgement.
If you can remove yourself from that temptation.

I hope this helps and Merry Christmas.

Re:

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

The temptation has removed itself... and I would never do it again anyway. Happy Holidays to you also, my friend. Looking forward to seeing you again, sometime soon, I hope. Where, when... who knows. Maybe at the new Furry Con, Rocket City Fur Meet, in Huntsville, AL over Memorial Day weekend next May?

Re:

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

I will try to be online more to talk with you, but it is hard when the great job hunt consumes much of my RL time lately. But I do think of you and wish you well... and hope you keep warm way up there in the land of Ice and Snow.

Re:

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

$20? wow! I can only hope to find something like that here!

[tahamaki.livejournal.com]

Butterscotch -

First off, yes, I do have knowledge of the situation and all parties involved. I will not make any judgements or assumptions, and will leave it at that.

That being said, I'm glad that you realize the consequences of your actions in all of this, and you still retain my friendship.

Re:

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

I thank you for not being judgemental in this... and moreso do I thank you for still being a friend to me.

Hun

[tygercowboy.livejournal.com]

Spike and I are giving you every opportunity to make things right.

I know that you know that things could have been taken a lot more legal direction but we didn't want that because you are still a friend. Things are strained between us now...and will probably be for a bit just because of the situation we have been put in. But there are no closed doors here. You have every chance to make things right and we are hoping beyond all hopes that does happen.

Hugs

Re: Hun

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

Yes, I do understand what could have happened... and I'm so glad that you both chose not to do that. Please, just be patient with me as you have been so far, and I will make things right again. And to hear that I am still considered a friend means so much to me... more than you can guess. *hugs* And yes... you both will get a face to face apology from me when this entire ordeal is done with. On that, I swear.

Re: Hun

[tygercowboy.livejournal.com]

Ok huuuuuuugs

Re: Hun

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

Hope you feel better soon and have fun tonight.

Re: Hun

[tygercowboy.livejournal.com]

thanks :) tylenol flu is a wonderful thing!

Just hoping we don't get snowed out

Re: Hun

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

Snowed out? Ewwwwwwwwwww! I noticed it was getting very dark in the northwest a while ago.. guess I better turn on the TV to see what I've been missing.

Re: Hun

[tygercowboy.livejournal.com]

yeah....looking at 6+" of snow between now and Christmas

Re: Hun

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

Yikes! That's not good at all!

Re: Hun

[tygercowboy.livejournal.com]

actually :) I'm looking forward to it

Re: Hun

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

Ok... you can have it all and keep it up north with you. hehehe

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

No idea what happened, really anything that's gone on that I would consier scandalous.

You gotta love us clueless types, eh? ;)

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

Well, what happened was RL and not VR... and since it didn't involve you, you aren't really clueless, dear. *grins* But if you really want to know, I'll tell you.

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

Naw, it's ok. :)

You just work on healing yourself and your relationships. :)

Re:

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

I'm trying my best, and those involved seem to be also.. so I hope it will all work out in the end.

Re: *raises a brow*

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

What I was refering too happened in St. Louis when I went back to get my stuff several weeks ago, and had been building up until that point. I saw your LJ account the other day and hope things are going ok for you now. I'll be happy to discuss this with you when you return however, if you wish.

[vesuvius.livejournal.com]

I haven't heard anything about this, save what's here. Looks like you've gotten plenty of comforting comments since you posted, but I thought I'd put my paw in, too. I don't know you incredibly well, but all I've heard is good things (apart from my own little drama) It'a always best to go straight to the source and straighten things out rather than let them fester into something that would hurt more people. Take care of yourself, you have friends that care.

Re:

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

I know now how many friends I do have. I didn't put this up for a pity party.. but to let everyone know why I've been so upset lately. I do so appreciate everyone who has replied.. and I know I have many friends out there that do care. And as far as that one little drama issue that you had in the past, I hope it has settled itself now also. *hugs* Hope to see you again sometime soon.

[vesuvius.livejournal.com]

I thought it was taken care of not too long after I found out about it, but it came back up once again a little while ago. I'm not sure why they persist. If this were a war, like they keep asking me if I want, my "army" of friends has beaten them at every turn, just by being open with each other. I don't want a war and wish they would just drop it. They're only digging a hole for themselves, with my friends. The best defense against rumours is being open with your friends and not trying to deceive anyone.

Re:

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

I agree 100%, hence this original post.

*nod*

[vesuvius.livejournal.com]

Too bad everybody doesn't feel the same way.