A post with actual substance!

[calientra]

My dear friend, gentle_gamer made a post on one of the Transgender LJ groups we are both on that has really gotten me thinking this morning. She was talking about how people perceive others and themselves in gender roles. It was quite a good post. Here is what I replied to her:

"""Hon, as time goes on, I'm starting to feel more and more as you state here. A year ago, I was dead set on having SRS as soon as possible. Time passes, hormones work on the mind, and the mind itself thinks things through (say that 5 times fast) even when we aren't actively thinking of things. I'm finding out that even though I identify much more with the female end of things than the male, I am happy at heart being Susan, and being with my dear Brianna spectrafox. Of course, we are both poly too, and have or want more relationships, but that doesn't apply to how I feel about the gender spectrum. Will I ever have SRS? Probably, as I want to be sexually active as a genetic female does. Do I enjoy such things with the way I am now? Yes, very much so, when the opportunity arises. (No pun intended) Would I be happier having SRS against not having it? I don't know. More time must pass, more thinking must be done. And more experiences must be had. But I do know that we, as in those who choose to portray themselves in this world as "female" face an uphill battle in so many ways. In my line of work, profession truck driving, women are in the minority by far, and face so much discrimination and bigotry from other drivers, customers, and even companies. I am so sick of us being referred to as "Cum Depositories, Lot Lizards, Lazy Fat Bitches, Sluts" and so on. It makes me sick... yet these so called "Gentlemen" think nothing wrong of it. I feel sad for their own wifes, girlfriends, or SO's. Or maybe that's the way all men are? I don't mean to start a big mess of a discussion here, nor am I flaming anyone.... but until you've been here and seen and heard what I deal with daily, I think the rest of you are lucky. I'm a Susan, who happens to be a truck driver.... to sort of quote a poster here. And I'm glad I am who I am, and what I am. I am me. And that is good enough."""

And this is so true. In all aspects of life, we are judged almost the moment we are first seen as either Male or Female. Why? Are we so ingrained as a society to do this? Is there no other choice available? As Joyce stated in her post, she, and I, are so sickened by there only being two choices available for genders. Why does gender even matter on forms and such, and in common areas, such as restrooms, etc.? I may be stupid, but I don't see why it is this way, except for the fact that this is how it's always been. And I find it totally rediculous at most times. Now, maybe some don't feel safe using a gender neutral restroom, maybe some seem to feel more comfort in being defined as one gender or the other, and that is their right. But what about those of us who cross the lines between genders? What about those who identify as GenderQueer, Androgynous, BoiGrrls, GrrlBois, etc? Don't we count too? I'm not ranting here, just trying to get my point across. There is far too much emphasis in society today, especially in some of the lesser developed countries, such as the middle and far east, placed on gender. My opinions here, reply with your thoughts if you will.

Comments

It's a strange world.

[sslaxx.livejournal.com]

Gender/sexuality really shouldn't be something that gets people discriminated against, or worse. Personally, I don't give a toss if someone is TG, TS or TV, straight, bi or anything else - it should be WHO someone is that is important, not WHAT.

[caligogreywings.livejournal.com]

It's just something we've built in this society. It's tied to who we are, what we're allowed to do, how we think, what we look like, etc. It is how we're judged, because humans can't stop judging. We're constantly gauging people, to see their strengths, weaknesses, whether they'd be a good mate or friend, whether they're an enemy, if they're going to steal our place in society, and so on. We still live on instinct, no matter how buried that instinct might be.

And it's part of the "us vs them" thing that we still hold very dear to our societies. We are defined by what we are not, as well as what we are. We have to always put someone below us in order to put ourselves up higher.

I don't know that there's ever been a time when woman was on top (lol). Sure, there've been societies where woman was the one you took your name from, where even women have ruled. Native societies had women as the land owners, because as hunter, man had no clue what to do with the land. But does that put us in power? No. Man still had the raw strength to topple us if need be.

And then there's those that walk between the genders. The Natives often had such people, because many of their societies were more accepting of a woman with the soul of a man. But even then, it's a qualifier isn't it? It's a woman, but she has the soul of a man. That's not exactly an inbetween.

And what about the crossdressers who have no desire to be a woman, yet like to wear their trappings? Or like you said, those who wish to be androgynous.

Gender is something we have from ... well, damn near from conception. "What's it going to be?" we ask pregnant women. We plan out their colors for the shower, and if it changes, we're devastated, and not just because you have to buy girl clothes instead of boy clothes, or vice versa. You can't give dinosaurs to a girl, or flowers to a boy. Pink and blue, frills or no frills. Get a bow to put on the baby girl so they can tell it's a girl...

It's a complicated issue, gender is. I've taken classes to discuss it, and had classes where it was just part of the learning of a religion, and still, it's a complicated issue. I can't imagine living in one of the third genders, because so much of my identity is, indeed wrapped up in whether I'm a boy or a girl.

[shelleybear.livejournal.com]

I've come to understand that my desire for G.R.S. stems from a known aspect of myself.
I don't need to present female (but it will be unavoidable fairly soon) as much as I need to biologically, psychologically and emotionally be female.
Every step I take away from my birth gender makes me a happier person.


shelleybear

[lothie.livejournal.com]

I know you're just ranting, and you certainly have the right. The thing is, people ARE used to thinking of gender as binary. It is damn hard, if you don't yourself identify as genderqueer (hell, maybe even if you don't), to think any other way, even if you're not on some kind of "male and female he created them" kick. I know I've made an effort without much success, and I've known (and sometimes lived) with genderqueer folks pretty much my whole adult life.

Maybe it's different if you're not raised to think that way, you know? Maybe those of us who have kids can have some success in raising them to be more....uh....what would be the right word? Genderblind? Not sure. Anyway, I know that to the extent I could I've tried to do that with my kids, and I know that they're far less "set" in that sense than I myself am. So maybe there's hope.

[sara-super-id.livejournal.com]

I think it is precisely because of men like the truck drivers you describe that "women" want separate restrooms. If your entire gender is thought of by a group that frequents and travels through many restrooms as a cum depository, than my instant gut and fear reaction is to never share a dark room, hallway, stairway or bathroom with these sort of people. As for the gender benders leaning towards the female bent, if you are not thinking of "women" as cum depositories, then by all means, choose the ladies room! It might be a bit safer!

I firmly believe, that if there were no men or much fewer men who defined the female sex or gender as cum depositories and sluts that neutral bathrooms would not be feared. More and more people are becoming aware and friendly about different shades of gender, but that doesn't change the necessity for a safe bathroom away from a certain class of males. If for example, there were two bathrooms one called sexist assholes and one called everyone else, then maybe we could have a safe place to go pee without defining gender.

Well, there's truck drivers and there's red necks.

[shastzi.livejournal.com]

You're looking at some of the dumbfucks of society hon.
Just hold your head high and pay them no mind.

=^.^=

[antimon.livejournal.com]

I dont know ...Don't you count twice?

Most times gender on form sis for statistics, so they can say women get paid less or men die in this job at a higher percentage or our workforce is evenly men and women,. It probably figures into group health insurance rates as well. Not to mention bathroom construction etc.

I try not to think of your gender, because as Susan or AS butterscotch, to me you're the same person, I met you as a man, I'm more familiar with you in that time frame, I'm building up my female presence with you. I guess a lot comes form Initial meeting, because Trickster, I identify with and consider more female.

Your License says female (or least I think you got that resolved) Yet you still have male organs to pee and such. And if this gets too personal just ignore it, I'm not trying to offend, but...Do you stand up and use a stall, or do you sit down like a lady? Do you hesitate before going into a restroom, or do you instantly head twords one, and if so which.

you're at a very in between stage, you're almost gender nutrual, having attributes and thoughts of both. So yes while neither clear gender defines you, both fit to a point. No one needs a full survey for you to describe where you fit, and I don't think you'd be happy being considered as an "other", so I say settle for "both"
and honestly you're better off that way instead of getting singled out as mtf or tg on a from, you never sought out to be in between, you're just not at your destination yet.

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

I'm not offended. I sit to pee, and I usually head right for the women's room. If there is one... I have found that at a lot of shippers, there's only one, and usually marked MEN, so I just walk right on in and do what I need to do. Which has caused a few turned heads, you can be sure. But what am I to do otherwise?

And, for clarification, either as Susan, or as Butterscotch, we really are one and the same. The vixen is me, I am the vixen. If I could, we'd be one and the same RL and online. Wonder what kind of reaction THAT would cause in some of the places I go?

"Hey, see that chick? She's a REAL fox..."

[antimon.livejournal.com]

The tail would turn more heads then the boobs :)

[cal-foxx.livejournal.com]

3 tails hon.... kitsune has show her nature in me also nowadays.

[antimon.livejournal.com]

that will turn heads even in furry circles *plays with the vixens tails*

[lisbethk24.livejournal.com]

When you couldn't tell what gender I was, it caused some people a bit of discomfort. They seemed to like the idea of know what I was and didn't like not knowing.

[battyvitae.livejournal.com]

Hah, I always had a problem with being a girl when I was little. I always wanted to do what the boys could. I remember in sunday school they would break us up into groups of girls and boys.. the boys would go outside and fish and the girls would learn manners and shit..
I HATED THAT!
I wanted to go out and fish, I hated being a girl.. being assigned to all the "girl" things, dresses.. cooking.. sewing.. make-up.. BLEEECHH!!!

I -STILL- feel that way too. I feel very male minded, in a female body a LOT of the times.
In fact my husband wonders when I am going to be "female" I tell him "Hun you'll see it every once and a while, but rare." and he learns to live with it xD
Back in High school I always admired the butch fems, 'cause they could get away with looking and acting male.

I guess the difference with me is, as much as I loath "girly" stuff, I wouldn't give up being physically female. I like my long hair, my hips, and my 'gina. Other then the physical attributes I hate being "girly" in any way shape or form.

[ginnykitty.livejournal.com]

I don't understand the whole situation but if you are trying to change to becaome what you want to be, I wish you luck. People should then accept you for the person that you became and not care what you used to be, or if you are still in the change. Good luck in your life.

We are as we need to be, Or want - or just AS we need to be,

[capybyra.livejournal.com]

That's simply as WE need. Purely to Hell itself with folks who disrespect us. And yeah- there's a lot of cretins who are not safe to be allowed out in public.

Oh- I can see a social risk in folks dressing as they see fit.

It's a risk of our society losing the reasons to hate. That scares the mundanes witless. And as so many of the unwashed masses are already mostly witless? Sigh- it renders them damned scary stupid.

We're not seeking to do anything damaging of others.

And nope- damaging their fragile sensibilities ain't the same as those same yahoos declaring that rape or bashing etc is their #deities commandment. Full Stop there.. There's none of them worthy to cast any first stones so they need to simply live and let live. Or am I idealistic? sigh- guess I proudly am ..

I am for now- too entangled in too much to transition. and- frankly- I'm hoping our technology improves. Giggles. I'd love to be a fully functional woman. I bet I'm not the only trans to wish we could menstruate, eh?