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Well... it's been almost 2 weeks since you last heard from this vixen. Lots of things have happened... but most of them are so trivial that no one probably cares. So, let's just skip over a lot of that stuff for now and go on to something more flavorful. Ok? Ok.
Most of you know what I did for Halloween... I dressed up as a Catholic School Girl, with favorable looking results. Now... how many of you knew or guessed that I have had a lifelong battle with being transgendered? Well, I have. For as long as I can remember, I've had the unpleasant awareness that I was not supposed to have been born a male... and this is something I would not wish on my worst enemy, even if I had one. All through grade school, I was called a sissy and pansy, mainly because I didn't fit in with the other boys. My Mom never made me wear girls clothes or anything, but she did have me help with the housework, cooking, stuff like that.... so I just always assumed that this was what other boys did... and boy was I wrong. It is not a good thing to go to school and tell your supposedly best friends that you spent all Saturday baking bread and dusting furniture and making beds and whatnot. I never have liked sports much, only bowling and golf of all things. I would much rather work on sewing projects or costumes... though right now I'm sadly out of practice with my sewing skills.
Let's fast forward now to high school. I had moved to a different town during 7th grade, and tried to fit in as well as possible. I kind of adopted the "farmboy" butch look... flannel shirts over tshirts, jeans, work boots... that sort of thing. Well... it just didn't feel right, but at least it got the other guys off my case. Well, except for PE class... I HATED PE so badly. Not just because I suck at sports, but because I was so embarrassed to have to change in front of the other guys... though I must admit that I did enjoy watching them change and all. *grins* Of course, the town I grew up near (I lived outside of town 5 miles on our family farm) was definitely not the place for a young man who felt he was in fact a young girl, to express inner desires and act on yearnings... so I remained a virgin until well into my 20's. But, about the time I turned 14, I was secretly wearing women's lingerie at home in my bedroom as much as I could without getting caught. Yes, at first, it was more of a fetish thing than anything else... but it soon seemed to allow me to feel like what I felt in my heart and mind was what I should have been. Myself, my female self. And luckily for me, I never got caught, even though my parents had the very bad habit of just walking in on me at times. I know I was dressed up all pretty and had to dive into bed one time and fake sleep when I heard my dad coming down the hallway.
Now let's just skip college years... mass depression and lack of opportunity to dress just sucked. Not that I didn't dress on occasion, in fact, got caught by a roommate once. It wasn't pretty, but it seemed to just blow over, thankfully.
About the time I was 26 or so, I was living at home for one reason or another. Now, I was working full time, making fairly decent money... so I decided to look into what might be involved with sex change surgury and such... and I had a lot to learn. I managed to get in contact somehow with Dr. Jack Berger, I believe his name was, in Chicago... and started regular sessions with him. This was a bit tricky though, as when I went, it wasn't as a guy... but as a full female. How did I manage this? Well... let's just say, over the years leading up to this I had acquired a rather large wardrobe and a lot of accessories. And I had perfected my sneaking out of the house abilities... up until that one day that my dad caught me in full dress mode.... he didn't know who I was at first... but when he did figure it out... I was given 24 hours to get myself and my stuff out of his house. Not a pretty sight! But things worked to my advantage somehow... and I found a place the next day, luckily and moved what I could... and began my living as a female full time life. This lasted for around 18 months or so, with great success on my part. I had moved after a year to a different town to get a new start, which had been suggested to me by my therapy team... and there I met a woman named Teri... who I know realize is the sole reason I ended up going back to living as a guy. She seemed to have convinced me that I was better off as a guy... a decision I regret to this day and will always do. Yes, as a guy, I was married twice... both failures. I was almost a father once... lost the unborn child due to a misscarriage. I had a career that I did truly enjoy... came crashing down due to my 2nd ex and a combination of bankruptcy filed on her part and the ensuing divorce when I found furry and started to express my inner desires of being female via my female characters... long story. You mostly know it anyway, so I'll skip all that.
Now... here I sit two years later, after finding furry and starting my life over yet once more. I'm much happier as a person than I was way back when.. but something is missing still. For a long time, I thought it was the lack of a mate.. but I think I can deal with that for now. I know now that I have so many friends in furry.. and for each of you I am grateful! But you ask how does this all lead up to how I dressed for Halloween? Well....... my inner desire and feelings of being in the wrong body have resurfaced... and this time, I'm not going to keep them suppressed. Therefor, at MFF, you will not see the guy you have come to know as Butterscotch.... but with luck and a little skill from the past... you will see the true me, who I feel in my very being is the real person behind the vixen. Now, I know I'm very much out of practice being female... I am fairly sure I can pull off the look... but in the ensuing years, I have sadly adopted several male mannerisms that will take time to get out of the habit of doing... so please... if someone sees me doing something that seems out of character with my appearance, don't be afraid to take me aside and let me know. I need all the help I can get in this... and I thank you all for reading to the very end. Please, don't laugh at me... I had one person do that already, and even though I know they didn't mean in in meanness, it did hurt. I can't help who or what I am, but I can make myself happy by doing this.
Ok... that's it for now. Sorry about the length of this post, but I felt I needed to write it all out here for you all, my friends, to see. Wish me well on my adventure next weekend... I'm looking forward to having a wonderful and happy time at MFF, and I hope to see as many of you who can be there. *hugs you each and all*
Most of you know what I did for Halloween... I dressed up as a Catholic School Girl, with favorable looking results. Now... how many of you knew or guessed that I have had a lifelong battle with being transgendered? Well, I have. For as long as I can remember, I've had the unpleasant awareness that I was not supposed to have been born a male... and this is something I would not wish on my worst enemy, even if I had one. All through grade school, I was called a sissy and pansy, mainly because I didn't fit in with the other boys. My Mom never made me wear girls clothes or anything, but she did have me help with the housework, cooking, stuff like that.... so I just always assumed that this was what other boys did... and boy was I wrong. It is not a good thing to go to school and tell your supposedly best friends that you spent all Saturday baking bread and dusting furniture and making beds and whatnot. I never have liked sports much, only bowling and golf of all things. I would much rather work on sewing projects or costumes... though right now I'm sadly out of practice with my sewing skills.
Let's fast forward now to high school. I had moved to a different town during 7th grade, and tried to fit in as well as possible. I kind of adopted the "farmboy" butch look... flannel shirts over tshirts, jeans, work boots... that sort of thing. Well... it just didn't feel right, but at least it got the other guys off my case. Well, except for PE class... I HATED PE so badly. Not just because I suck at sports, but because I was so embarrassed to have to change in front of the other guys... though I must admit that I did enjoy watching them change and all. *grins* Of course, the town I grew up near (I lived outside of town 5 miles on our family farm) was definitely not the place for a young man who felt he was in fact a young girl, to express inner desires and act on yearnings... so I remained a virgin until well into my 20's. But, about the time I turned 14, I was secretly wearing women's lingerie at home in my bedroom as much as I could without getting caught. Yes, at first, it was more of a fetish thing than anything else... but it soon seemed to allow me to feel like what I felt in my heart and mind was what I should have been. Myself, my female self. And luckily for me, I never got caught, even though my parents had the very bad habit of just walking in on me at times. I know I was dressed up all pretty and had to dive into bed one time and fake sleep when I heard my dad coming down the hallway.
Now let's just skip college years... mass depression and lack of opportunity to dress just sucked. Not that I didn't dress on occasion, in fact, got caught by a roommate once. It wasn't pretty, but it seemed to just blow over, thankfully.
About the time I was 26 or so, I was living at home for one reason or another. Now, I was working full time, making fairly decent money... so I decided to look into what might be involved with sex change surgury and such... and I had a lot to learn. I managed to get in contact somehow with Dr. Jack Berger, I believe his name was, in Chicago... and started regular sessions with him. This was a bit tricky though, as when I went, it wasn't as a guy... but as a full female. How did I manage this? Well... let's just say, over the years leading up to this I had acquired a rather large wardrobe and a lot of accessories. And I had perfected my sneaking out of the house abilities... up until that one day that my dad caught me in full dress mode.... he didn't know who I was at first... but when he did figure it out... I was given 24 hours to get myself and my stuff out of his house. Not a pretty sight! But things worked to my advantage somehow... and I found a place the next day, luckily and moved what I could... and began my living as a female full time life. This lasted for around 18 months or so, with great success on my part. I had moved after a year to a different town to get a new start, which had been suggested to me by my therapy team... and there I met a woman named Teri... who I know realize is the sole reason I ended up going back to living as a guy. She seemed to have convinced me that I was better off as a guy... a decision I regret to this day and will always do. Yes, as a guy, I was married twice... both failures. I was almost a father once... lost the unborn child due to a misscarriage. I had a career that I did truly enjoy... came crashing down due to my 2nd ex and a combination of bankruptcy filed on her part and the ensuing divorce when I found furry and started to express my inner desires of being female via my female characters... long story. You mostly know it anyway, so I'll skip all that.
Now... here I sit two years later, after finding furry and starting my life over yet once more. I'm much happier as a person than I was way back when.. but something is missing still. For a long time, I thought it was the lack of a mate.. but I think I can deal with that for now. I know now that I have so many friends in furry.. and for each of you I am grateful! But you ask how does this all lead up to how I dressed for Halloween? Well....... my inner desire and feelings of being in the wrong body have resurfaced... and this time, I'm not going to keep them suppressed. Therefor, at MFF, you will not see the guy you have come to know as Butterscotch.... but with luck and a little skill from the past... you will see the true me, who I feel in my very being is the real person behind the vixen. Now, I know I'm very much out of practice being female... I am fairly sure I can pull off the look... but in the ensuing years, I have sadly adopted several male mannerisms that will take time to get out of the habit of doing... so please... if someone sees me doing something that seems out of character with my appearance, don't be afraid to take me aside and let me know. I need all the help I can get in this... and I thank you all for reading to the very end. Please, don't laugh at me... I had one person do that already, and even though I know they didn't mean in in meanness, it did hurt. I can't help who or what I am, but I can make myself happy by doing this.
Ok... that's it for now. Sorry about the length of this post, but I felt I needed to write it all out here for you all, my friends, to see. Wish me well on my adventure next weekend... I'm looking forward to having a wonderful and happy time at MFF, and I hope to see as many of you who can be there. *hugs you each and all*